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Vayeiztei

After the drama of who would receive the blessings from Yitzchak and the very real threat that history was set to repeat itself in another act of fratricide, Rivka and Yitzchak are now empty nesters. Both of their sons have left home. Esav is already married , Yaakov needs to find his wife.

Esav was unlikely to return home, his wives were not the daughters in law his parents had hoped for. Yaakov the “Yoshev Ohalim- tent dweller” never forgot his parent’s home and very much wanted to return. Home for Yaakov represented continuity, the continuation of the mission given to his grandfather Avraham decades earlier that he would carry on.

Yaakov had been on his own journey, one that was very different from his father. Yet that didn’t mean that he had grown apart or rejected the covenant that Hashem had made with Avraham and Yitzchak. So too, Jews today need not be stuck in the past and afraid of engaging with the world. We should be emboldened and deeply connected to the past whilst looking towards the future. Go forge your identity, go on journeys but be grounded, know where you really belong. Return to tradition/ father’s house.

Hashem says to Yaakov:

וְהִנֵּ֨ה אָנֹכִ֜י עִמָּ֗ךְ וּשְׁמַרְתִּ֙יךָ֙ בְּכֹ֣ל אֲשֶׁר־תֵּלֵ֔ךְ וַהֲשִׁ֣בֹתִ֔יךָ אֶל־הָאֲדָמָ֖ה הַזֹּ֑את

Yaakov pledges his devotion to Hashem if:

וְשַׁבְתִּ֥י בְשָׁל֖וֹם אֶל־בֵּ֣ית אָבִ֑י

Yaakov adds a little but highly significant detail. Returning to the land is not his final destination, he wants to return to his father’s home.

Netziv:

ושבתי בשלום אל בית אבי. אע״ג שהבטיחו להשיבו אל האדמה אבל אם יהיה השבה זו בשלום ולא מוכה ומעונה וגם שלא יהיה רק אל האדמה אלא גם אל בית אבי:

Why does it matters that we come back to our father’s home?

Esav had rejected his spiritual birthright for the immediate pleasures that physical living can give a person. For Yaakov, a safe return to Yitzchak’s home would demonstrate that he had successfully maintained the divine mandate, that the covenant would proceed through him. This commitment gave rise to a rather peculiar comment by the Rabbis on last week’s parasha:

Avraham was saved for Yaacov’s sake. After Nimrod caused Abraham to be hurled into the fiery furnace, the Holy One, blessed be He, descended to rescue him. The ministering angels thereupon exclaimed: Master of the Universe, why do You trouble to save him, since so many wicked men will descend from him? The Holy One, blessed be He, replied: I shall save him for the sake of his grandson Jacob, who will descend from him.

If not for Yaakov there would have been no Avraham. The commitment to continue is not just about the future, it impacted the past!!!

King Solomon tells us in Mishlei:

שְׁמַ֣ע בְּ֭נִי מוּסַ֣ר אָבִ֑יךָ וְאַל־תִּ֝טֹּ֗שׁ תּוֹרַ֥ת אִמֶּֽךָ׃

My son, heed the discipline of your father, And do not forsake the instruction of your mother. You must hold firm to the education you receive in your parents’ home, as it can be assumed that parents want their child to follow the right path.

The mother is often seen as the first and most continuous educator in a child's early life, especially in imparting the day-to-day traditions, values, faith, and customs within the home. The child in this text is instructed to "Hear" the father's Musar (pay attention to the structure and consequences) and "Not forsake" the mother's Torah (hold fast to the essential, internalized values).

Yaakov left his family home, but knows that he will eventually come home. When that happens he will be at peace, shalom.

וְשַׁבְתִּ֥י בְשָׁל֖וֹם אֶל־בֵּ֣ית אָבִ֑י

The term "in peace" is crucial. It implies not only physical safety from Lavan and the dangers of the journey, but also reconciliation with his brother Esav, and the healing of the breach that forced him to leave. Returning to his father's house would confirm a successful resolution to his family's crisis. Between the lines of devotion to Hashem, Yaakov communicates a parallel message that of his love for his family.

RJS: Judaism... It’s an identity… you can lose it. And many Jews are losing theirs. Our ancestors have given us the gift of a past. We owe them the gift of a future faithful to that past. At least we should not relinquish it simply because we don’t know how valuable it is.

The life-changing idea here is surely simple yet profound: if we truly wish to hand on our legacy to our children, we must teach them to love it. The most important element of any education is not learning facts or skills but learning what to love. What we love, we inherit. What we fail to love, we lose.

How can we help the process along? How can we  show what we love and make that real so others see it and follow?

At the Interfaith  tea party in Bowden last week {November 2025}  I was chatting with two members of different Christian denominations. One asked , “ isn’t Judaism just legalistic and dry.” To me the rules and unique Jewish moments give me a rich, vibrant dynamic life. The rules provide a structure for me to experience eternity. I can choose to bash at the keys on a piano, rejecting the rules of music, demanding that no one has the right to tell me how to play the instrument. But then all you get is noise. When you submit and accept the guidance, rules and traditions, you can produce a masterpiece.

Then I turned to the category of customs, that engage us on a different level. Customs, minhagim..

{from Kashrut.org}   play a powerful role in Jewish life. They’re not just cultural extras ,  they’re often what give our practices colour, rhythm, and personal meaning. While not all minhagim are halachically binding, they’ve historically helped shape the Jewish experience and keep communities connected across generations. But like anything in Judaism, they require balance, awareness, and intentionality. Minhagim add a kind of spice that enhances our religious and spiritual experience. They're not just filler or fluff; they enrich the texture of Jewish life.

Back in the 1800s Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch published a book called 19 letters. Letter 17 is called reform.  He argues that we cannot control the conditions we find ourselves in, what we can and must do is to refine ourselves through the practice of Judaism. 

“This means that we have to educate and elevate our generation toward the heights of the Torah but not lower the Torah to the level of the times and reduce its lofty peaks to the shallowness of our life. It is really Jews who need reform through renewed attention to Judaism. Intellectually comprehend and vigorously implemented…. That is where we are deficient in an in depth  comprehension of the destiny and the teaching of Judaism and hence in love for it. Attaining a deeper understanding of Judaism must therefore be our aim for it is the only way to our salvation, to  our continuity as a community to ensuring we have Jewish grandchildren and bright future.