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Do we really know how precious our children are?



The unique melodies of each Yom Tov can help us prepare for the holy days ahead. You might listen to nigunim from Hallel or your favourite Seder Night tunes as you prepare the house for Pesach. There is one song that is so evocative and stirring that tears flow freely down my cheeks each time I listen to it. The Last Seder in The Warsaw Ghetto tells the story of a group of Jews celebrating or experiencing what they thought at the time to be the final Seder ever. The song has a father and son talking through the Ma Nishtana with the son wondering will there be any Jewish children left to ask their fathers the Ma Nishtana next year. In times of persecution there is no doubt that every child is precious. No one would dare assume that one child is more precious because of a surname or the shul in which their parents daven. Lamentably it is during “normal” times that we are apt to forget the lesson.



The Hagadah takes us on a journey from the shame of idol worship and slavery. Whilst doing so the Hagadah paints a vivid picture of the wickedness of Paro and the Egyptians. When we explain the pesukim of Arami oved avi we say: “V’es A’moleinu”- “And our toil”- this refers to the killing of the sons, as it is stated “Every boy that is born, throw him into the Nile and every girl you shall keep alive.”

Meforshim explain that the Jewish boys were born and immediately killed by the Egyptians so that the toil of carrying them for nine months and then giving birth to them was in the end in vain. Their mothers toiled and carried these children only to see their sons die. If the girls lived how is the last part of the posuk relevant here? The girls, however, were also “born in vain” since they would remain single and alone all their lives if the Jewish boys were all put to death. They would not be able to establish Jewish homes. By creating despair, Paro’s decrees affected both the boys and the girls. The Jewish boys were killed so that the girls would have no one to marry among their own people.



Furthermore, the main reason that a person toils in Torah and Mitzvos is to make sure that his legacy is passed on to his children. This is what the Torah says regarding Avrohom: “For I have singled him out that he may instruct his children and his posterity after him to keep the way of Hashem…” Avrohom did not worry about his positions, but about passing on his beliefs to his children. This is what true servants of Hashem, bnei Torah, ehrliche Jews worry about. Paro wanted to subjugate the children of Israel so that they would not grow up to be yirei shomayim. By killing the children, Paro wanted to destroy our hope. It would be easy to sit proudly at the Seder mocking Paro, imagining that such evils are perpetrated by our enemies, but we would never do such things. There is a beautiful understanding of the Fours Sons, that speaks of the absent fifth son who is alienated from Jewish ritual and practice. This child is lost through assimilation. Afterall, Chazal tell us that in Egypt, many Jews assimilated and did not want to leave.



I have my own reading of this imaginary missing or distant fifth child. This is the child that was rejected from the mainstream schools,Yeshivas and Seminaries, not due to any wickedness or deficiencies but because the selection panel chose to listen to gossip over truth or made judgements about shuls without investigating or ever stepping foot inside. These children are burnt and silenced wondering what they did wrong, why they don’t count, why their spiritual legacy and dreams have been shattered. They are cruelly branded and marked as rejects, pushed away and considered blemished.



If so, how does this behaviour differ from that of Paro whom we denigrate so much on Seder Night? Join me as I imagine what a conversation between those that reject Jewish children and Paro would sound like. Think of Rabbi X, who oversees a school, talking to the villain of Pesach, His Royal Highness King Paro. “Tell me King, how many children did you dispatch and get rid of today? Paro, gloating rubs his bald head and provides a shocking, gut-wrenching number. Rabbi X stands appalled, but quickly replies, “I too get rid of those that I feel are not worthy, I too consider some children a threat to the stability of my albeit smaller kingdom.” “You suffered a terrible plague of lice; well, I consider some children to be lice who must be distanced so that others will not get damaged. As for the less able children or those with extra needs, well they too must be sent away because I really don’t want to make any extra efforts for them.”



Suddenly Moshe Rabbeinu appears before the shocked King and Rabbi. He turns to the quivering wrecks in front of him and says “bonim atem L’Hashem Elokeichem.” Every Jewish child is precious to Hashem, they are all Hashem’s children, and we have a duty to love and nourish each one. This is an unconditional responsibility that only the very worst refuse to acknowledge.



Rav Avigdor Miller teaches based on the Gemoroh that “If a person has tzar gidul banim he won’t even walk by the door of Gehenom; he will go straight to Olam Haboh.” The reward for bringing up children in the derech of Torah is tremendous. The Chazon Ish teaches us that a sign of how much a Yid a person is,SS depends on how devoted you are to helping your fellow Jew. The more you give up for another Jew the more of a Jew YOU are. The Saba Kadisha of Lechovitz explains that the foundation of authentic Jewish education is to believe that EVERY Jew is diamond. A teacher or parent must elevate each child and never chas veshalom give up or exclude and reject. Studies have shown that by eliminating childhood trauma there would be a 75% decrease in children displaying negative anti-social or off the derech behaviour. Paro the wicked rasha is unmoved, but boruch Hashem, Rabbi X begins to cry.



Tzaddikim read a beautiful message into the halachik guidance which tells us before Ma Nishtana “V’chan haben sho’el.” We are all children of avinu sh’ba’shamyaim and we must ask our Father our questions. My question is how much longer will we hear the broken cries of children, the pain of their parents and witness the apathy of those who cause the pain. Yehi Ratzon that all our children learn how precious they are, that no one feels excluded and second class. That all our children should sit proudly around the table knowing that they too would have come out of Mitzrayim. No child should ever be made to feel that they don’t matter. In this zechus we should begin the next journey to kabolas Ha’Torah k’ish echad b’lev echad.

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