Masks and Hypocrisy

Sermon VaYeishev

The human drama that plays out in the book of Bereishit, is really quite depressing. For the past few weeks we have followed broken families, parents and children who don’t get on, siblings that literally want to kill each other. If your own family is complicated  you can take a lot of comfort from the Torah families who are certainly in need of a daytime TV chat show.

So let’s imagine just that:

[TELEPROMPTER START]

Host: "Welcome back. It’s time for our 'Family Crossroads' segment. You know, we talk a lot about toxic dynamics on this show, but this piece is a  masterclass in how not to handle a blended family."

"Meet Joseph. He’s seventeen, he’s gifted, and—let’s be honest—he’s the ultimate 'Golden Child.' His dad, Jacob, is playing major favourites, even gifting him this custom, high-end designer tunic while the other ten brothers are out there doing the heavy lifting."

"Naturally, the brothers are fuming. They can’t even look at him without wanting to scream. But here’s where Joseph makes a classic rookie mistake: The TMI overshare."

"He has a dream where everyone is bowing down to him. And instead of keeping that in his journal, he gathers the whole family—who already hate his guts—and says, 'Guys, check out this vision! You’re all sheaves of wheat, and you’re literally bowing to me!'"

"I mean, talk about reading the room! He does it again with the sun and the stars, and even his dad has to step in and say, 'Joseph, enough with the ego trip!'

But guys, behind the spoiled-brother vibes, there’s a real tragedy here. Joseph thinks he’s being vulnerable and sharing his future; the brothers think he’s trying to lord it over them. It’s a total breakdown of communication that leads to decades of pain."

"So, if you’re the 'favourite' or the 'black sheep,' stay tuned. We'll be right back with an unexpected twist."

 It’s tempting when life seems to be going wrong to fake happy family dynamics, to make a show to the world that everything is loving.

In the face of systemic domestic instability, there exists a profound psychological impulse toward compensatory theatre. We create a 'performative equilibrium' a meticulously curated facade of familial cohesion, as a defence mechanism against the social stigma of dysfunction. By projecting an image of the 'idealised collective' to the external world, we attempt to bridge the painful chasm between our internal reality and our societal aspirations.

In dysfunctional family units striving for a façade of normativity, the child is often an unwilling conscript into the family’s performance team. Unlike adult actors who may consciously choose to curate a public image, children are coerced into "performative labour" as a requisite for psychological safety or parental approval. This collusion requires the child to suppress authentic internal states such as fear or sadness to uphold the collective "front stage" image of domestic bliss. This creates a profound chasm between their "backstage" experience of chaos and the "front stage" projection of success. The resulting cognitive dissonance can stunt identity formation, as the child learns that their social value is contingent not on their reality, but on their ability to protect the family’s social capital against external scrutiny. Erving Goffman’s Dramaturgical Theory provides a sophisticated framework for understanding why families in crisis often double down on "happiness."

Goffman suggests that social life is not just a series of events, but a choreographed performance aimed at Impression Management. Gofffman, argued that we display a series of masks to others constantly trying to set ourselves in the best light.  We adapt what we are depending on who we are interacting with. This is most apparent in awkward situations where we suddenly find ourselves trying to play two inconsistent roles as for example when we accidentally encounter friends from very different social groups and have to juggle masks.

In our Biblical epic however, the Torah points out that far from being an ensemble of budding actors, Yaakov’s family were brutally honest about how they felt towards Yosef.

ולא יכלו דברו לשלום 

The brothers were no hypocrites, fawning on Joseph to his face and cursing him behind his back. They were candid and frank. The brothers refrained from speaking to Joseph altogether. They did not want to be guilty of hypocrisy by speaking to him peacefully, hiding what was in their hearts; they also did not want to be guilty of hateful behaviour towards him.

The word hypocrisy, has its origins in the  theatres of Ancient Greece. It is one of the clearest examples of a word migrating from a purely technical artistic term to a moral condemnation. The word comes from the Greek word "hypokrisis".

Originally, a hypokrites was simply an actor. In the early days of Greek drama, the actor was the one who "answered" or "interpreted" the chorus. In Greek theatre, actors wore large, stylized masks to represent different characters. Therefore, a "hypocrite" was someone who spoke from behind a mask.

Over time the word began to shift from the stage to real life. If you acted a part in public pretending to be someone you weren't you were "playing a character" for a deceptive reason.

The word was solidified in the English language through early translations of the Bible. Because the Bible was the primary literary text for centuries, the theatrical meaning was completely overshadowed by the moral meaning. By the time it reached Middle English, it exclusively meant claiming to have higher standards or beliefs than one actually possesses.

On the one hand Jospeh’s brothers harboured animosity towards him. On the other, they had integrity and authenticity.  No one ever suggested that being human was easy or one dimensional.  

Like Goffman said, we all wear masks and its quite probable that many would win Oscars for their acting skills. But what of what we lose? The Chanukah story is more profound than finding a little cruise of oil. The Seleucid Greeks were not the only aggressor in the story. Like today’s Torah reading we had an internal Jewish clash too. Those who were loyal and faithful to tradition and those who broke away  and abandoned the covenant with Hashem for the alure of Greek culture.  Chanukah challenges us to be more authentic, more true to who we are. There is no scope for blending other winter festivals with Chanukah. When we meditate on the flames we must acknowledge that if not for the sincerity of the Kohanim and those who joined the fight we wouldn’t be here. The fire contains a dual message.

We must  see the warmth and glow of what we do whilst distancing ourselves from ideologies and traditions that are not ours lest we get burnt.  The candles cannot be used for light like our Shabbat candles. They must just be looked at. As we do, we would do well to consider what people see when they look at us. What mask or masks are we wearing, how authentic are our lives, would we have been on the winning Jewish side in the Chanuka story.  We have 8 days to strengthen our commitment, knowledge and Jewish identity, let’s do it together and witness miracles ba’yamim ha’hem bazman hazeh.