Driving along some very challenging roads in the Lake District this summer my children said, “I bet you are going to write an article about this.” Well, not wishing to disappoint them here goes. The summer break gives us an opportunity to take journeys into the unknown, to break free from routine and experience the thrill of something new. On occasion, the thrill might be mixed with a heavy dose of dread.
I have never met a road planner, but I wonder if some might have been men of great spirituality in a former life. These reborn neshomos have returned to the world with one aim, to get people to daven. We davened quite often “please Hashem, let nothing come towards me, please Hashem don’t let my car break down, please Hashem let my 8-seater Jewish car make it up this hill.” On one particularly crazy journey I felt totally lost until I saw a mini van attempt the same path. Looking in the rear view mirror I was comforted and felt confident. If he could get through, so could I.
The inner teacher in me chose to interpret the twists and turns of our journey to the Lakes, as a metaphor for life in general and the Month of Elul in particular. The moment Elul begins, we are conditioned to begin thinking about our lives and the upcoming Yom Hadin. It’s not that we ignore the daily judgement or the thrice daily request in the Amida for forgiveness, it’s just that living constantly on such a deep and connected level is challenging for most of us. We would never mention this publicly, but we all know this feeling. It’s comparable to the way we behave on Tisha B’Ov. All of a sudden the destroyed house of Hashem means something to us. When we eat our fill at a kiddush or at a kinnus for some tzedoko we forget that Hashem’s table is empty. Nonetheless, we try once a year to feel something, to relate and to encourage others to relate. Maybe doing so will motivate us to change our ways and bring about the change we all (should) yearn for. Back to Elul and the potential feeling of being a fraud or feeling foolish because we had the same elevated and lofty aspirations exactly a year ago and they went nowhere.
In the first chapter of Mesilass Yeshorim the Ramchal is engaged in a discussion about the purpose of life. One of his arguments to reject the view that life is all about the physical, concerns the struggle, pain and challenge that life presents. Our physical existence cannot be the sum total of life because it’s so difficult and unfulfilling, it’s pointless. Even once we achieve wealth and status, we die and can’t take it with us.
Furthermore, we have the capacity to transform lives, to make a difference, our neshomos have unlimited capacity for greatness. Consequently there must be more to life. Life is complicated, our journey through it will not be straightforward, twists and turns must be anticipated. Doing so, will give us all a better chance of straightening out our lives. Once we are adult enough to go beyond the fairy tales of youth we can live properly and be successful. Rebbe Nachman teaches regarding the high level of Teshuva.
You may fall to the lowest depths, chas veshalom. But no matter how far you have fallen, it is still forbidden to give up hope. Teshuvah is higher even than the Torah – therefore there is absolutely no place for despair. If you are worthy, even your worst sins can be turned into something good. We are taught that sin can be transformed into merit (Yoma 86b). This idea contains deep mysteries, but the main lesson is that even from one’s failings and declines, one can easily return to Hashem. Nothing is beyond His power. The most important thing is never to give up, but to continue to cry out and daven to Hashem.
The life we might dream of is the simple uncomplicated one, the one we were taught about as children. The life we experience as adults has highs and lows. How we react, will ultimately determine how successful our life is. When we get things wrong, we must just continue and start again.
In a further teaching Rebbe Nachman explains the nature of the Yetzer Hara:
The Evil InclinationIn Hebrew, Yetzer HaRa, the evil in man. is like a prankster running through a crowd showing his tightly-closed hand. No one knows what he is holding. He goes up to each one and asks, “What do you suppose I have in my hand?” Each one imagines that the closed hand contains just what he desires most. They all hurry and run after the prankster. Then, when he has tricked them all into following him, he opens his hand. It is completely empty. The same is true of the Evil Inclination. He fools the world, tricking it into following him. All men think that his hand contains what they desire. In the end, he opens his hand. There is nothing in it and no desire is ever fulfilled. Worldly pleasures are like sunbeams in a dark room. They may actually seem solid, but he who tries to grasp a sunbeam finds nothing in his hand.
Elul is when we open our hearts to allow these teachings to penetrate the thick layers of nonsense that cover our hearts and minds every year. Hashem wants us to take the steps necessary to peel away these layers. On the other hand, we want Hashem to do the cleansing. We say Hashiveinu bring us back and Hashem says Shuvu, you come back to me. Tzadikim give a beautiful moshul about a princess. The king's daughter was taken captive by thieves and stolen far away from the palace. She despaired if she were to try to return, her footsteps being so small and the distance so great, when would she ever arrive home to her father? The king sent a message: I, too, wait for your return. But as long as you do not begin to return, I will not come any nearer to you. However, if you begin to return with your tiny steps, I will do the same in response, and I will draw nearer with my great power and long steps -- and we will very quickly be reunited. That is the sense of our verse: "Turn back to Me" -- even with your limited capacities, "and I will turn back to you" -- with great compassion.
As Elul begins it is ok to feel vulnerable and uncertain. We need to know how to deal with the forces that unsettle us and appreciate their nature. We have all been fooled for a year, it’s now time to get a little smarter and build our resolve to be better Jews. That is really all we can do. With our little steps we need to turn to Hashem and start the journey back. The journey might look familiar having started it many times, but so what? Just like our sat nav redirected us onto more scary country lanes when I missed the exit, so too must we revisit or start afresh on our spiritual journey, without fear and excuses. Bon Voyage !
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