Violence and Sensitivity

Sermon Vayishlach

The drama in the very first part of the parasha plays out in many families where relationships have broken down. What will reconciliation look like, is it even possible, will someone keep hold of the pain from years earlier?  Yaakov and Esav are about to meet after two decades of separation.

Yaakov is terrified that Esav will still harbour the hatred and animosity he had all those years ago.

He turns to Hashem and begs Him,

 הַצִּילֵ֥נִי נָ֛א מִיַּ֥ד אָחִ֖י מִיַּ֣ד עֵשָׂ֑ו כִּֽי־יָרֵ֤א אָנֹכִי֙ אֹת֔וֹ פֶּן־יָב֣וֹא וְהִכַּ֔נִי אֵ֖ם עַל־בָּנִֽים

Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; else, I fear, he may come and strike me down, mothers and children.

The last few words are difficult to understand in the Hebrew original. Who or what  was Yaakov worried about exactly?

Ibn Ezra

AND SMITE ME. And smite me applies to two phrases. *Ve-hekkani is in the singular and prima facie refers only to Jacob. Thus nothing is stated about what Esau will do to the mother and the children. Our verse should be read as follows: and smite me and smite the mother and the children.

Whereas the Seforno explains:

Mother and children alike. Literally, “he will strike me, mother with sons” — i.e. he would deal Yaakov a devastating blow by killing his family, even if he himself escaped.

Avi Ezer- If a great prince goes with his camp against his enemies, and [the enemy] rises up against him and strikes his camp, even if the prince himself remains alive, they say of him, 'That prince received a great blow,' because he and his camp are like one body. And this is what Jacob meant when he said, 'And he struck me, mother upon children.' This is also precisely correct in the language of the nations."

Chizkuni  Yaakov was not at all concerned about being killed himself because he had Hashem’s assurances. He was only concerned about the lives of his wives and children, concerning whom he did not have Hashem’s assurance. Hashem had only promised him personally that He would bring him safely back to his home (even though it might entail many detours, i.e. בכל אשר תלך), “wherever you will go” (28,15). This is why he specifically spelled this out with the words: אם על בנים, “mother and children.” Use of the preposition על in the sense of “with,” also occurs in Numbers 28,10: על עולת התמיד, “with the daily burnt offering.”

Chiba Yeteira &  Emek Davar: Its normal for mothers to lie on their kids to protect them from danger. Yaakov was terrified that Esav would slaughter all of them. Yaakov  was not worried about the children, since the children are "like him", exactly and Hashem has promised him protection. He only worried about the wives, because they would protect them so that he [Esav] would not harm them, like the way of the mothers, and he was worried that he would kill the mothers in front of the children, and since "his wife is like his body" he said "strike me down."

Be’er Mayim Chaim – Eim- Mother- singular Banim- Children- Plural

Lest he come and strike me, mother upon children." He did not say 'mother upon a son' or 'mothers upon sons.' This hints to Leah, whose eyes were tender (weak), because she always wept that she should not fall into the lot/portion of Esau.  And certainly, Esav bore a grudge against her in his heart because of this, and he would dedicate himself to striking her specifically and not the others.

It also says 'mother upon children' to say that I am only afraid of one mother out of the two matrons, and that is Leah, as mentioned. But Rachel already has the adversary of Esau, and that is Joseph, for "The house of Joseph shall be a flame, and the house of Esau straw" (Obadiah 1:18). Therefore, "Joseph and Rachel drew near and bowed down"—Joseph before Rachel, as the Sages said (Genesis Rabbah 78:9), because he [Joseph] is not afraid of Esau, since he is his adversary, and thus naturally protects his mother [Rachel].

It also says 'mother upon children' (plural) because she [Leah] is currently hovering over many children, which is Leah. However, Rachel at that time had only one son, Joseph, and Benjamin had not yet been born.

I would like to suggest my own understanding that explains the enigmatic phraseology.

Yaakov was certainly no pushover. He has shown us that he is shrewd when he needed to be. Yet he was not accustomed to blood shed and violence. The thought that he would encounter the embodiment of evil was too much for him. He was barely able to express his thoughts and he couldn’t bring himself to express his deepest fears that his wives and children could be killed.   This super sensitivity is not a flaw in Yaakov but rather an indication of where we ought to be. Judaism doesn’t promote violence; Yaakov was appalled at the violence committed by Shimon and Levy later on in the parasha.  Yaakov couldn’t bring himself to utter the words that Esav could possibly kill women and children.

Tragically, this sensitivity is not shared by all.  IMPACT-se researches school textbooks, teachers’ guides, and curricula to assess whether young people are being educated to accept Others, be it their neighbours, minorities and even their nation’s enemies, and to solve conflicts through negotiation and compromise while rejecting hatred and violence.

According to a new  report that examined 290 textbooks and teaching booklets used in grades 1-12 in schools in the Gaza, Judea, Samaria, and eastern Jerusalem, including UNRWA educational institutions, the findings show that the materials continue to encourage hatred, extreme nationalism, antisemitism, and political violence.

Jews are portrayed as liars, corrupt, "devil's helpers" or "bloodthirsty monsters", and the texts even promote the complete dehumanization of Israelis. Israeli soldiers are described as snipers shooting children "for no reason", or as carrying out massacres while "laughing loudly."

In addition, the science and mathematics books themselves are political: algebra equations include variables like "number of shahids", and physics exercises include descriptions of a girl firing a slingshot.

To my mind this is a form of child abuse.  Mandela famously said:

““No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite”. 

When children can talk of killing and its normalised their future looks very bleak.

The Torah narratives serve as paradigms for what we will experience in life. If we assume that everyone shares our values, we will be woefully unprepared when our enemies attack. Yaakov was no fool and he prepared to encounter his brother with a mixture of religious faith and human initiative. Thankfully Esav had mellowed and there was no violent encounter. How we talk and what we are prepared to say out loud or even to think, indicates where we are in our relationship with others.  When we normalise or institutionalise violence we make it acceptable. By refusing to spell it out, Yaakov was not being naïve he was teaching us that not only is violence unacceptable but even thinking about it or expressing it has no place in a society that seeks to recognise the divine in everybody.  Let us continue to yearn for the day when all those who live with anger and hatred, those who seek division and destruction  will extend their arms in a loving embrace and recognise our shared humanity. On that day

יִהְיֶה ה אֶחָד וּשְׁמוֹ אֶחָד:

Hashem will be One and His Name One. Amen!